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wheelsy_sheriff) wrote2008-11-19 06:46 pm
wheelsy_sheriff) wrote2008-11-19 06:46 pm
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When he pulls into the drive of his mother's house June is out in the yard, raking leaves. Seeing her and the pile she's gathered already Bill feels a stab of guilt, usually he'd have come by and done the chore for her already.
He lingers in the truck while trying not to seem like that's what he's doing and she stands leaning on the rake watching him get down from the pick-up.
Shuffling his feet through the leaf litter he crosses the yard and they stand regarding each other as the wind rustles the bare branches above them.
"Hey, mom."
"Hello, Bill."
Shoving his hands into his coat pockets Bill surveys the yard then looks down at her.
"Can I come in?"
She presses her lips together and for a moment he's afraid she's going to say no.
Tucking back a strand of hair that's slipped from the loose bun she's wearing she nods, "Yeah. C'mon."
She leads the way to the house, leaving the rake against the front porch banister and grabbing the cordless phone that's sitting on the rail. Bill notices but doesn't say anything as he follows her into the house.
"You hungry?" She asks when they're inside.
"No, ate just a bit ago." He closes the door behind himself and again they stand regarding each other carefully.
God, this is this mornin' with Kate all over.
As if to confirm his thoughts June clears her throat softly and speaks.
"I'm not mad, Bill."
Taking a slow breath he nods to the couch.
"Can we sit down?"
She moves across the room and sits quietly, settling her hands in her lap.
Bill sits down next to her, a cushion separating them on the couch.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you," He says after the silence has stretched. "I... I didn't mean to act that way towards you."
She nods and doesn't reply and he can tell she's letting him finish so he goes on.
"I'm just... havin' a bit of a hard time with everything right now. I'm sorry."
June takes a couple slow breaths then reaches her hand over to lay on top of his.
"Bill, I know that wasn't you in here shoutin' yesterday." A pause and then she adds softly, "That wasn't me, neither."
He nods and she strokes her thumb along the edge of his palm.
"This is hard, an us arguin' doesn't make it any easier." A beat and she continues, "But, we still need to talk about this an' figure out what you're goin' to do."
His hand tightens under hers but he forces himself to try and do what Kate said.
"Try not to react to it."
Keeping his voice as calm and measured as he can he shakes his head.
"Mom, there's nothin' to figure, I'm goin' back." If they let me.
She draws her hand back from his and turns her head away.
"Bill--"
"I'm sorry." And he means it. Resting his hand on his knee he tilts his head, trying to look at her. "I know you don't like it, but I am. I have to."
"You don't. You don't have to at all." She shakes her head, looking back at him. "You keep sayin' that but it ain't true."
He frowns and it's his turn to break eye contact with her.
"Fine. I want to. An' I am. I like my job. I love what I am. Why don't you trust me to do this?" The last part comes out hurt bordering on angry and he keeps his eyes focused on the coffee table, jaw tightening.
"Because you could die, Bill." She answers, staring hard at his profile. "You been beat up, stabbed an' shot now. Your job is breakin' up fights, chasin' around wild animals an' handlin' whatever lunatic hoodlums come into town. Any one of those things could kill you an' you don't even seem to get that."
"Mom," His voice is tight, trying to hold back his exhasperation, "it ain't that bad. Most of the time--"
"Most of the time it's easy, I know." She interupts, cutting off his argument to make her own. "Most of the time Wheelsy is just a small town, good folks an' regular life. But Bill, when things do go wrong you have a knack for always bein' there."
"That ain't always how it is. You make it sound like trouble is out to get me or somethin'." He dismisses, getting tired of this line of discussion as his patience starts to evaporate.
Not to be deterred or ignored June persists.
"The first time in forever an officer here is shot an' it's you. A bull gets loose an' you're the one he chases. Martians invade and the one in the middle of it all is you."
Her voice stresses the last word and he still isn't looking at her.
"They weren't martians."
"What?"
With a sigh he stands up, facing her finally and shaking his head, "Martians is from Mars, they weren't, they weren't martians."
"Bill. That's not the point."
"Well what do you want me to say? You're right? Fine, you're right. Okay? When shit happens it happens to me. All right?" She flinches at the sharpness of his tone and when he sees it the guilt he's been feeling too much of lately resurfaces.
Pacing across the room he stops at the wall, facing it and staring at the picture hanging there. In the picture it's Halloween and a far younger version of himself is with her dressed in a homemade scarecrow costume wearing overalls and a straw hat.
He works his throat and doesn't want to turn around, afraid of what he might see on her face if he does.
"I'm sorry."
The picture blurs when she doesn't respond and he keeps talking.
"I'm sorry. I'm a little... Mom, I..." He wants to tell her what Kate already knows. That he's screwed up right now and not getting better on his own, but he can't. He can't admit those things to her. Taking a breath his head bows, shaking back and forth barely.
"I don't wanna fight. If you can't support me can you at least just let me be? I know what you think about me goin' back, an' you know how I feel; neither of us is gonna change so can we just leave it alone?"
"It's not that I don't support you, Bill," She replies softly and he wonders if he's imagining the tremor in her voice. "I'm just worried about you. You're all I got here an' I'm scared to death of losin' you."
He hears her get up and turns to look down at her when her hand touches his elbow.
"Your mind's made up, an' I can see that, just make sure you know the risk you're takin'. An', who your choice is gonna affect. What happens to me, an' Kate, if somethin' happens to you?"
He doesn't have an answer to that and June nods.
"Okay. That's it, that's all I'm gonna say." She leans up and presses a kiss to his cheek, studying his face a moment then patting his shoulder. "You should head back an' get some sleep, look tired."
He nods as she starts moving towards the kitchen.
"I will, gonna get the yard before I go."
"Thank you, Bill. I'll go an' get you some trash bags."
Nodding he heads for the door, pausing and calling out to her.
"Oh, an' mom?"
She stops and turns.
"Hmm?"
"Kate said hi."
"Tell her hi back for me." She gives him a small, partially sad, smile and he returns it with one of his own before they turn and head their separate ways out to the yard and back to the kitchen.
He lingers in the truck while trying not to seem like that's what he's doing and she stands leaning on the rake watching him get down from the pick-up.
Shuffling his feet through the leaf litter he crosses the yard and they stand regarding each other as the wind rustles the bare branches above them.
"Hey, mom."
"Hello, Bill."
Shoving his hands into his coat pockets Bill surveys the yard then looks down at her.
"Can I come in?"
She presses her lips together and for a moment he's afraid she's going to say no.
Tucking back a strand of hair that's slipped from the loose bun she's wearing she nods, "Yeah. C'mon."
She leads the way to the house, leaving the rake against the front porch banister and grabbing the cordless phone that's sitting on the rail. Bill notices but doesn't say anything as he follows her into the house.
"You hungry?" She asks when they're inside.
"No, ate just a bit ago." He closes the door behind himself and again they stand regarding each other carefully.
God, this is this mornin' with Kate all over.
As if to confirm his thoughts June clears her throat softly and speaks.
"I'm not mad, Bill."
Taking a slow breath he nods to the couch.
"Can we sit down?"
She moves across the room and sits quietly, settling her hands in her lap.
Bill sits down next to her, a cushion separating them on the couch.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you," He says after the silence has stretched. "I... I didn't mean to act that way towards you."
She nods and doesn't reply and he can tell she's letting him finish so he goes on.
"I'm just... havin' a bit of a hard time with everything right now. I'm sorry."
June takes a couple slow breaths then reaches her hand over to lay on top of his.
"Bill, I know that wasn't you in here shoutin' yesterday." A pause and then she adds softly, "That wasn't me, neither."
He nods and she strokes her thumb along the edge of his palm.
"This is hard, an us arguin' doesn't make it any easier." A beat and she continues, "But, we still need to talk about this an' figure out what you're goin' to do."
His hand tightens under hers but he forces himself to try and do what Kate said.
"Try not to react to it."
Keeping his voice as calm and measured as he can he shakes his head.
"Mom, there's nothin' to figure, I'm goin' back." If they let me.
She draws her hand back from his and turns her head away.
"Bill--"
"I'm sorry." And he means it. Resting his hand on his knee he tilts his head, trying to look at her. "I know you don't like it, but I am. I have to."
"You don't. You don't have to at all." She shakes her head, looking back at him. "You keep sayin' that but it ain't true."
He frowns and it's his turn to break eye contact with her.
"Fine. I want to. An' I am. I like my job. I love what I am. Why don't you trust me to do this?" The last part comes out hurt bordering on angry and he keeps his eyes focused on the coffee table, jaw tightening.
"Because you could die, Bill." She answers, staring hard at his profile. "You been beat up, stabbed an' shot now. Your job is breakin' up fights, chasin' around wild animals an' handlin' whatever lunatic hoodlums come into town. Any one of those things could kill you an' you don't even seem to get that."
"Mom," His voice is tight, trying to hold back his exhasperation, "it ain't that bad. Most of the time--"
"Most of the time it's easy, I know." She interupts, cutting off his argument to make her own. "Most of the time Wheelsy is just a small town, good folks an' regular life. But Bill, when things do go wrong you have a knack for always bein' there."
"That ain't always how it is. You make it sound like trouble is out to get me or somethin'." He dismisses, getting tired of this line of discussion as his patience starts to evaporate.
Not to be deterred or ignored June persists.
"The first time in forever an officer here is shot an' it's you. A bull gets loose an' you're the one he chases. Martians invade and the one in the middle of it all is you."
Her voice stresses the last word and he still isn't looking at her.
"They weren't martians."
"What?"
With a sigh he stands up, facing her finally and shaking his head, "Martians is from Mars, they weren't, they weren't martians."
"Bill. That's not the point."
"Well what do you want me to say? You're right? Fine, you're right. Okay? When shit happens it happens to me. All right?" She flinches at the sharpness of his tone and when he sees it the guilt he's been feeling too much of lately resurfaces.
Pacing across the room he stops at the wall, facing it and staring at the picture hanging there. In the picture it's Halloween and a far younger version of himself is with her dressed in a homemade scarecrow costume wearing overalls and a straw hat.
He works his throat and doesn't want to turn around, afraid of what he might see on her face if he does.
"I'm sorry."
The picture blurs when she doesn't respond and he keeps talking.
"I'm sorry. I'm a little... Mom, I..." He wants to tell her what Kate already knows. That he's screwed up right now and not getting better on his own, but he can't. He can't admit those things to her. Taking a breath his head bows, shaking back and forth barely.
"I don't wanna fight. If you can't support me can you at least just let me be? I know what you think about me goin' back, an' you know how I feel; neither of us is gonna change so can we just leave it alone?"
"It's not that I don't support you, Bill," She replies softly and he wonders if he's imagining the tremor in her voice. "I'm just worried about you. You're all I got here an' I'm scared to death of losin' you."
He hears her get up and turns to look down at her when her hand touches his elbow.
"Your mind's made up, an' I can see that, just make sure you know the risk you're takin'. An', who your choice is gonna affect. What happens to me, an' Kate, if somethin' happens to you?"
He doesn't have an answer to that and June nods.
"Okay. That's it, that's all I'm gonna say." She leans up and presses a kiss to his cheek, studying his face a moment then patting his shoulder. "You should head back an' get some sleep, look tired."
He nods as she starts moving towards the kitchen.
"I will, gonna get the yard before I go."
"Thank you, Bill. I'll go an' get you some trash bags."
Nodding he heads for the door, pausing and calling out to her.
"Oh, an' mom?"
She stops and turns.
"Hmm?"
"Kate said hi."
"Tell her hi back for me." She gives him a small, partially sad, smile and he returns it with one of his own before they turn and head their separate ways out to the yard and back to the kitchen.