wheelsy_sheriff | (no subject)

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[i'm so tired but i can't sleep standin' on the edge of something much too deep]

It's still very early when Bill finds himself awake again. Kate's asleep, curled on her side and doesn't seem to be sleeping very well.

Frowning to himself he gets up. Slowly. He's stiff and sore and has to suck in a breath to stifle a groan when he rises from the bed.

Shuffling around the suite he heads to the bathroom and stares at himself and the lack of bruises in the mirror for a few long minutes before leaving.

He's hungry, and his body feels drained and overtaxed so he moves on to the kitchen where he sits at the table with a bowl of plain cornflakes. He just needs something in his stomach, and he needs to think. There's so much mess to sort through right now, and on top it all his failures are staring him straight in the face.

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She's right. They have no idea what's going to happen when Ramon's back, and as bad as things have been, Bill is sure they're going to be much worse after this.

The thought scares him, and makes him realize how close he is to losing everything, because of Ramon.

He pulls in a slow breath and shakes his head, it's more to himself than to what Kate's said.

After a long, silent moment he asks, "Did she say how long he's gonna be like that."

"I didn't ask."

I was so worried about you, I didn't think to.

She turns her head to press a kiss to his palm.

"She said we could stay at her place in France, or she'll help us go anywhere else we want. Boo would be safe, and -- "

And so would you.

She swallows thickly.

"I left Katherine a note before I went to bed. I told her she should think about leaving the bar, too. She could even come with us, maybe."

Boo would be safe, and so would Kate.

Leaving is hard, though. Turning his back on a mess he's a part of, abandoning Katherine if she decides to stick around; he'd be running away.

He drops his hand slowly and turns back to the table, sitting down with a quiet sigh.

"I want y'all t'be safe, Kate."

This is still a hard choice to make.

"I know."

It's what you've always wanted.

"I want you safe, too."

She steps closer, and she wants to touch his shoulder, but doesn't want to startle him.

"You don't have to make a decision right now -- I just want you to know the option's there. And -- "

Two heartbeats.

"Bill, I think it's a good idea. But I need you to talk to me, tell me what you think."

"It's somethin' to think on." And he will this time, now that everything else has failed and Ramon is still a threat.

She asks what he's thinking, but there's too much to say. He's got so much on his mind, and a lot of it is doubts and confusion.

He reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose, but then remembers it breaking and stops, setting his hand back on the table.

"I'm just -- I'm worried, an' there's so much to figure out. I mean, how long would we go for? It's a nice offer an' all, but Demeter's world... we'd both be out of our element there. It's probably not some place where we could stay all that long.

"And, if Katherine doesn't go, it'll leave her alone against that -- " His jaw tenses, stopping the curse, and he shakes his head. "'gainst Ramon."

"I know there's a lot of details."

She rubs the back of her neck, her breath catching at the degree of tension her fingers find.

"We'll have to talk to Demeter and Katherine before anything's concrete."

She pauses, studying Bill's worn, haggard profile.

"We probably shouldn't go back to Wheelsy right now -- you can't show up at work while you're still recovering, sweetheart."

Her hand slides up her nape, and she runs her fingertips through her tousled hair, thinking.

"But we could go to L.A."

He's not going to argue her about Wheelsy. He knows he can't go home like this, not just because of the physical shape he's in, he's exhausted and stressed and knows that at this point he'd be worthless at his job.

The thought makes him frown, but he can't focus on that right now.

When she suggests L.A. he turns to look at her.

"L.A.?"

She's been gone from her world so long (his fault), and he'd like a chance to go with her there, but is afraid the circumstances being what they are might ruin it. It's not the ideal situation, he's not in the best shape, but it's another idea.

"I -- I'll think about it, an' we'll talk to them."

"Okay," she says softly, her voice ragged at its edges.

Going back to L.A. means facing everything she's been avoiding for the past year -- Marie's arraignment, her father's hollow eyes, work, worried shareholders and employees, business reporters just waiting to see Warner International crumble -- but she's ready to do so if it keeps the people she loves safe.

She tries to smile and bends to brush a careful kiss to his crown.

"We'll figure it out," she whispers into his hair.

He knows she has a lot going on in L.A. and doesn't want to add more stress to that, but he'll still keep the option in mind. As long as she doesn't seem to object to it.

His eyes close on the kiss and he gives a small nod.

"Yeah."

God, I hope so.

He tries for his own smile that gets as far as hers does.

"Don't worry 'bout the sugar, Kate, unless you wanted some. I'm okay."

She pulls back and shakes her head.

"I'll run down and get some more. I can bring back a better breakfast, too, if you're still hungry."

He starts to shake his head 'no', then looks down at his soggy cereal.

"I -- yeah, thanks."

His smile is a little more this time, before it softens at the edges with concern he can't quite hide.

"Kate -- be careful down there."

"It'll only take a second."

She trades her pajama pants for a pair of well-worn jeans and tugs a fitted Stanford hoodie over her camisole.

(the faster she gets dressed, the sooner she gets downstairs, and the less time she has to let fear settle in)

Pulling her hair into a quick ponytail, she shoots him a Look.

"Don't touch the floor while I'm gone -- I'll get it."

He starts to comment, but keeps it in.

"Don't gotta be nothin' major. Bacon an' eggs is fine."

He holds back another caution and watches her leave.

After the door closes behind her worry builds quickly and he almost follows her.

He fights with his fear a couple minutes, then gets up and grabs the broom. Movement, even if slightly painful, is better than anxious waiting.

He does leave the gathered pile for her to pick up, unable to get down and use the dustpan.

She's back within a few minutes, a replacement dispenser and a breakfast tray for him in tow.

She sets down the tray -- there's bacon and eggs, toast, juice, and a small dish of fresh fruit -- and pulls a wry face when she sees the neat pile of debris.

"You're sweet," she says, saving both of them a useless lecture. "Stubborn, but sweet."

With that, she sweeps up the glass and sugar and deposits the mess into the trash.

He's washing his bowl after dumping out the cereal in it, staring at the bottom of the sink and thinking again of blood and water swirling down the drain.

He turns around when the door opens, and relief is clear in his eyes.

He doesn't say anything about being stubborn, just returns to the table and inspects the tray.

"Thanks."

He wants to ask her if she checked on Ramon, but he focuses on his eggs instead.

She peels off her sweatshirt and shucks her jeans, and she's back in her striped pajama pants and gray camisole when she pads into the kitchen again.

She heads for the coffee pot, pausing when her fingers curl around the handle.

It's so early, and she's so tired --

With a silent sigh, she takes back her hand and turns around, leaning against the counter while Bill works on his breakfast.

Gently, "Thinking about getting some more sleep?"

He looks up from his plate and hesitates.

"I might go an' lay down in a bit."

If she wants him to, so she can sleep, but he's up now and even though he knows Ramon was taken care of, it's hard to put aside the need to be alert.

He knows this isn't over yet, and that's enough to keep his guard up.

Even if he's in no shape right now to be of much good, should something happen.

"Bill."

It's a soft rebuke; there's no heat in her voice, just quiet concern.

"Getting some more rest is the best thing you can do for yourself right now."

She manages a weak half-smile.

"Please?"

She pushes away from the counter, the movement taking more effort than it should, and crosses the suite to crawl between the covers.

I'm not doin' this for me.

He watches her go back to the bed, then works on finishing his breakfast.

Cleaning the plate takes some time, he's hungry, but also tired. When he's done eating, he looks towards the bed and Kate, hearing her soft request.

Dropping the dirty dishes into the sink he checks the door to the suite first, then checks on Boo, and finally he carefully settles on his side of the bed.

She stirs when he eases into bed, her hand finding his across the sheets.

God, I'm glad you're here.

Once he's down his body is quick to tell him he needs rest as much as he needed to eat.

Accepting her hand, he squeezes her fingers gently.

I love you, Kate.

There's still so much left on his mind, problems, fears and doubts, but her touch and his body's lack of strength, is enough to help him shift focus off of that. His thoughts quiet for the time being, and he slips quickly into sleep.

Her hand tightens around his briefly.

I love you so much.

Pushing away thoughts of blood and bruises and slitted yellow eyes, she concentrates on the sound of Bill's breathing and the warmth of his skin against hers.

Exhaustion wars with uncertainty until her fingers loosen and she falls into a dreamless sleep, curled on her stomach beside him.

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